I have a tumultuous relationship with hope. I remember vividly the time when a friend had left the spiritual community (the ashram) that we had lived in together. For all its amazing and joyful components, the ashram was also a hard place to live at times. We worked 6 1/2 days a week for a $25/ month stipend. We rose daily at 5 am for 90 minutes of yoga and meditation and then returned to the yoga mat at 4:15 pm for another 90 minute session. Our days ended with community spiritual gathers with song and teachings. We ate very simple vegetarian food, had no tvs and except for a weekly movie and dessert night, had little forms of escape. Oh yeah, we were also (mostly) celibate.

So you can understand that though I loved the community I would, on occasion dream of the “outside world” and when difficulty arose I would hold out a flame of “hope” that when I moved out, all would be well. Whatever my issue, surely it would be resolved when I was out of that situation that had created it. This hope kept me going many a day… until. Until the day my friend came back to visit from the “outside” world. Seeking some stories to inspire me I asked her about life “out there”. She laughed and said these words I will never forget, “It is the same with one big difference….” ( I held to her every syllable waiting to hear about the great food or morning coffee (no caffeine for us back then) or sex … and then she finished her sentence, “the only difference is that now I have given up hope.”

What did she say?? I was shocked. You mean all that freedom had not solved all of her problems? And now she was left with no hope that life would be better! If what I was going through did not have a built in escape hatch, what was I to do? I had counted on the hope that a life outside the walls of the ashram would guarantee. Seeing the look of shear panic in my eyes, my friend went on to talk about the true freedom she was actually experiencing for the first time in her life. She shared how she had exchanged hoping that life would someday be magically different to simply facing life exactly as it was. In doing so she felt more empowered and present with her life to make the changes she needed to make and accept what she could not change.

It would be years before I moved from the ashram but her words have stuck with me ever since. Hope? Yes, I do recognize that hope can be a life-saver. Hope can give us courage and make our days lighter. And yet we must not let hope convince us that the someday we dream of will magically solve all of our problems. Hope without an honest reckoning of how we got to where we are and without recognizing that we must have a hand in making things different – even if just slightly- can lead us into a circle of stagnation as we quietly wait for someone else to make it all better. Choosing hope in hard times can be comforting; choosing hope and creating the hoped for outcome we dream of is even better.

What do you think? When has hope been a lifesaver? When has it allowed a passivity that was ultimately unhelpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts. E-mail me anytime!

Rev. Deborah
dbennett@westminsteruu.org