Buddhist author and teacher,

Pema Chödrön wrote, “Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”

Her words are at the heart of this month’s discussion about compassion and truly are a call to engage in some of the deepest of ‘spiritual practice.’

They remind me to look at others with the intention to find a shared humanity. But, oh, is that hard right now!

“Must I?” “I don’t wanna!” “Why should I have compassion for those that seem to be sorely lacking compassion for other?”

Indeed these are the questions I face with every news broadcast, with each conversation with someone whose life is being directly and deeply harmed by the actions of others. I do not pretend to have the answers but allow me to share with you my practice in these moments.

1. Remind myself to not start with the hard stuff! In other words, if I do not feel compassion for the life of someone who has spent so much of their energy denigrating others, that’s ok! It’s like on the SATs when they tell you to skip a question if it is too hard and come back to it if you have time. I can do that!

2. Focus on cultivating compassion close in and then in ever widening circles. How can I expect to feel compassion fully for others when I am so hard on myself?! In the moments when I notice myself judging myself I ask: if someone I loved dearly did that or was this way, could I have compassion for them? Of course I could! Then I try to work that magic out further and further from myself.

3. Practice the Buddhist Prayer of Loving Kindness. Visual the person in question and say simply, “may you be filled with loving kindness, may you be well in body, heart and mind, may you be free from pain and suffering and may you know peace.” I just have to believe that if someone receives that blessing enough times that some shift can happen, in my heart and in their harmful actions. And I always end with sending that same prayer to myself.

I don’t expect to end the fighting around the world and in our own country just by cultivating compassion but I do believe strongly that all other measures will not succeed without it.

May you be at peace,
Rev. Deborah